Friday, September 12, 2008

A Reserved Spot in Purgatory.

Main Entry: pur·ga·to·ry
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural pur·ga·to·ries
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French or Medieval Latin; Anglo-French purgatorie, from Medieval Latin purgatorium, from Late Latin, neuter of purgatorius purging, from Latin purgare
Date: 13th century
1: an intermediate state after death for expiatory purification; specifically : a place or state of punishment wherein according to Roman Catholic doctrine the souls of those who die in God's grace may make satisfaction for past sins and so become fit for heaven
2: a place or state of temporary suffering or misery

As you'll have noticed by my previous post, T and I (okay, mostly me, but a little bit of him, too!) are struggling with the "purgatory" feeling. There's nothing easy about waiting. Does it make the planning process easier?? Not really. What you do gain in time you lose in angst and second-guessing.

Has this been magnified by the onslaught of friends and acquaintances getting married, buying houses, having kids...definitely. But it's always been there, under the surface, waiting for an opportunity to arise.

Neither one of us are where we want to be. He's stuck in school, and though he enjoys a lot of it, he's looking forward to graduation. I have a job that I enjoy, but knowing that I come to work everyday just to put money aside for the wedding kills me.

Would chucking the whole thing be easier? Who knows. Everything's a trade-off. The stress of waiting would be traded for the stress of having a mortgage and paying bills. The waiting by the phone every night to talk to each other would be replaced with waiting on the couch for the other to come home.

And I may be naive, but it seems to me that the end result, being able to spend everyday together, trumps it all.

So where do we go from here? Do we suck it up and muddle through? Do we jump and figure it all out later? Do we compromise and move the wedding up? There seems to be no clear cut answer. All three options have impossibilities written all over them.

Anyone have any brilliant Dr. Phil/Dr. Laura advice out there? Again, to follow up from yesterday, any regrets??? ANYTHING? I'm really struggling here...


Becca said...

I think you need to RELAX! It's important to enjoy where you are while you're there. With that being said, I think you and T need to sit and figure out once and for all what choices you're going to make and then go with them whole heartedly. Then you won't wish for other things. I hope this helps, I wouldn't want you in purgatory too long:)

Anonymous said...

Baby girl, I hate to think of you feeling like you're in purgatory. In answer to your question, I don't regret for a minute marrying your dad instead of waiting, but I know others who found themselves in financial hardship because they did not wait. Only you and Tom can make this choice but I think Becca's advice is good. Mom

N said...

I can't believe you are worrying about this! I know you and T just want to be together, but you guys are! And you know have been waiting for good reasons, just remember those!